If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Randomize
