I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Drake has all the answers
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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