i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I seem to have left my pride at pride
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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