FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
