I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
