Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Randomize
