Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Randomize
