The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
