There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
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