you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
