Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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