Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
