I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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