He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
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