Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
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You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
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