I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
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