Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Randomize
