remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
