She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
