Just fell off a train. Bad.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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