I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Randomize
