He disabled his match.com account in front of me
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Randomize
