I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Randomize
