I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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