after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
