And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
