Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Randomize
