He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Randomize