I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
