It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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