If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
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She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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