I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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