Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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