Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Randomize
