3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
Barsexuality is the new black.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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