good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
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