He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I'm sobbing to NWA
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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