Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
