my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
