Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
