By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
