Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Randomize
