On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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