no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
