he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Randomize
