Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
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Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
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Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
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