I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
