i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Fuck appropriateness.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
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He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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