I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
