best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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