i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
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