the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
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