hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Pants 0. Shit 1.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
