Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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