I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
