I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
