i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
