turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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